I feel like I discover myself best in this year. Life is really a long beautiful process. The interesting thing about life is that, so many things can change in a certain period of time. You are continuously growing and learning to be better. I notice that I have changed many things, and most of them are intangible.
In this year, I am happy to say that I have dealt completely with all of my haunting past mistakes. I learn to distant myself away from people & things that are not good for me, and connect myself more to people & things that are good for me. By distant myself away from them, I didn’t mean by hating or blocking them into my life. That’s the significant thing that I learnt from the most influential person in my life, which is my mother. You can be happy by forgiving people, even when they don’t say sorry. It sounds crazy at first but along with the process I’ve been going through, it works. Forgiveness, in contrary, makes you feel powerful, and happy.
I have been struggling with anxiety. People who are close to me may notice that. Sometimes it’s not too bad that I can still handle it but in other times it really annoys and takes over my mind. I think it comes partly because of my nature, which is a little perfectionist and tends to over-think everything, and partly because of past unhealthy relationship which takes almost my whole teenage years. But now it’s going better. It’s getting better each day, actually. I learn not to worry about something that goes beyond my control, I learn to let things go naturally, I learn to give the best shot for every task that I’m working on, but not punishing myself if it doesn’t work well in the end, I learn to focus more on other people and my surroundings and remind myself that this kind of thing happens to others too, I learn how to relax (yes, it’s something that I must learn!) and I learn to be more flexible and have more fun, generally.
I also make a lot of new experiences this year. I change from “stay safe, stick to routine” into “go ahead, why not?” I went on cultural exchange to Czech Republic, I traveled solo to Europe, I decorated my own bedroom, I built my own start-up business with my friends, I sent my students to join a competition, I finished my Bachelor degree, and I changed my whole career plan after graduation.
I am so glad that I don’t let other people define me anymore. Having a relationship used to be the high-light of my life. I tend to lose myself along with that relationship. I tend to focus so much on how to make it works, rather than, evaluating whether this person really brings good vibes into my life. When I fall in love, I tend to overlook their qualities. In reality they are not as good as my perceptions towards them. Now everything’s different. Therefore, when I meet someone, I will just look at him as what he really is, as a normal person. I notice their flaws and imperfections as a normal human being. So, I guess it’s very important to be happy on your own first, because relying your happiness onto someone else’s life is never be a good idea.
And I do realize some relationships just cannot stay forever, for some reasons, and that’s OK. It doesn’t mean you should stop trying it right away. It’s also a process that will teach you a lot of things along the way. It helps you to figure out which kind of person you would like to be with for longer time. And if you are lucky, it will make you learn how to love and to be loved by someone.
So looking forward for all the challenges and the highs-and-lows of 2016.
Oh, and happy new year dear all readers and followers!